नो ओने लूकेद फॉर ME

As I left peoples lives for one reason or another, almost always not of my choosing, no one ever looked for me. I was there for a time, than gone. Those that I thought cared for and loved me just forgot, went on with their lives as if I had never existed. Those relationships meant everything to me because I got so little attention, I lapped it up like a thirsty animal. But then they were just done with me. Mom died and so did that whole side of the family (for me). My cousins were the only siblings I had had. They forgot about me. I thought I was more important to them than that, but they had each other, why did they need me. They werent lacking anything. My moms parents told me never to contact them again because I couldnt handle life within their rigid parameters of what they thought I should be. I disappointed them and "my mother would have been very ashamed of me". Best friends in school dropped out of my life as I left our school. There was a new school every year for me. Sometimes 2 schools in a year because no one wanted me or knew what to do with me. My "best friends" forgot about me and never thought of me again. My dads side of the family eventually lost contact with me and never thought to look me up. "I wonder what happened to "J". No, they didnt wonder nor care. When I tell any of these people what happened to me in my life, they are shocked because they did not enquire about me. After my divorce at 18 from my husband, I was kicked out of my sons life. None of them looked for me either. By that time however I was used to it. Used to not being thought about or cared for.
To those very few people that I can count on my one hand, that truly loved me in the short time we had together, and who tried to stay in touch and thought about me and loved me no matter what I did or didnt do, I owe my undying gratitude. When I think of you I smile and I feel warm inside. Its because of you that I know what love can be.